Friday, March 17, 2017

February 27, 2017

To answer the question you had about seeing Stevie...

It was one of the most happy moments I've ever lived! It was incredible! It was also funny because I know for a fact that members of the church saw a missionary and a white chick hugging in the middle of San Jose, hahaha! Some guy yelled in Spanish, "Hey man I'll take the one in the blue shirt!" (which was Stevie). It pissed me off but it was funny at the same time.

Life is good. I am loving it here, it's been really great. I felt bad because I literally don't know anything about this country because I have only been in the city. But it's cool. They had a good time.

Changing topics------
I want to talk about fear. Its in all of us and to a certain stage its really good for us because it keeps us safe. Before the mission I was so so so so so so so scared. I tried to hide it and who knows how I did or if you guys even noticed. But I truly had just a deep, deep fear of coming to this country. I remember a few things that I had the opportunity to learn before the mission. I remember when you Dad and Ely were on the hunting trip and I was home alone. I had to work early that day, but I remember at night I got home and I just couldn't shake the fear that I was feeling. So I called the Bishop, I went to his house and I just basically confessed to him that I was scared I wasn't going to be worthy of being on a mission. Bishop Joe the incredible man that he his calmed me down gave me a blessing and we talked. I remember that Dennis and Jan were there too, I love those two a lot too. But I remember that Bishop just told me to remember how I feel when I am happy and to keep looking for those feelings. I felt strong but I was still a little scared. The next I went to my "go to" man Alec Erickson, I love that kid and I'm so grateful for what he did for me that night. I remember that it was a "bro night" so we just went to the mountains. I just started crying and I told him about all the crap I was feeling and honestly I replay that night millions of times in my head. He basically just told me he was scared too. He explained to me that he feels like he will never be able to be worthy for all of the blessings in the Gospel and I just remember feeling so happy when he told me that.
Before I even turned my papers in, I remember being scared. I remember praying really hard about when I needed to leave on my mission and I felt the need to leave later in the year. I was still scared. So I went to my studies. While I studied I took a break and read from a little booklet called, Bits and Pieces, these little books come in the mail (Gramps sends them and I love them). Anyways, I started reading a bunch of quotes that helped me out a ton. There is one phrase that has always stuck with me and I will never forget it. I read this phrase and I immediately lost all of the feelings of fear.. '' When fear knocks on your door, send faith to answer it.'' I remember feeling just an immediate love for the Gospel and although I wasn't and never will be 100% perfect I will always love what this Gospel has done for me. I don't like the feeling of fear but I am grateful for the things that fear has taught me. I remember all the times I felt and still feel fear and I can learn from every single one.

I love you all and I hope you're doing well because I pray for you. I love this gospel and I am scared every day. As you experience fear just remember... "When fear knocks on your door, send faith to answer it.''

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